How the Thief Almost Stole Christmas in July
by RyukoVulpix
Summary: When Whoville is thrown into a deep depression during July, it's up to Shadow to save the town! But the Thief, who lives just north of Whoville, doesn't exactly approve...


**How the Thief Almost Stole Christmas in July**

**(A Parody of Dr. Seuss' "How the Grinch Stole Christmas")**

(Which is an EXCELLENT book/animated feature.)

(And if you haven't read or watched it yet, we highly suggest that you do.)

(We will not be held liable for any messed-up childhoods resulting from having read this parody without first having a knowledge of the source material.)

(Yes, this has happened with this particular parody.)

(And now we shall stop with the remarks-in-parentheses.)

(Please enjoy this story!)

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"It was just another day in Who-ville... another _July_ day, that is.

"Of course, everyone knows what it's like in Who-ville during _Christmas._ There are lots of decorations, feasting, presents, singing, and all that stuff. And ever since that Grinch's heart grew three sizes, everything has been just oh-so-merry down there in the merry month of December."

"Wouldn't that be the merry month of _May?"_ came a voice. Every reader's head turned to see Metal Sonic walk in through the door.

"_**NO!!"**_ the first voice shouted loudly, nearly knocking Metal head over heels due to its volume.

"Jeez, all right, no need to yell, Shadow," Metal muttered as he rubbed his head.

Shadow the Hedgehog smiled. "That's right! Everything is merry in December! What's so merry about May, anyway?"

Metal thought. "Mother's Day?" He was greeted by silence.

"..."

"Oh boy..." The robot slapped his face.

"Wahhh!" Shadow started sobbing.

Metal rolled his eyes. "Feh. Never mind, it doesn't matter..."

The robot was roughly grabbed by his neck. Shadow yelled at him, "You know something?! It _does_ matter! I have gone for so long realizing that I don't have a mother, that it's just not cool anymore! So do you know what I'm going to do?!"

Flatly, Metal responded against his better judgment, "What?"

Shadow reached under his narrator's chair and pulled out an E-Kara microphone! "I'm going to karaoke!" Metal fell over.

"_What?!"_

"_Christmas, Christmas-in-July time is near! Time for toys and time for cheer!"_ Shadow sang, badly emulating Everette Bradley. _"We've been good, but we can't last! Hurry, Christmas-in-July, hurry fast! I want a mom that is my own!"_

Metal sighed. "What the heck?" he shrugged, before transforming his right arm into a microphone. _"I want a mom to telephone..."_

Both sang out, _"We can hardly stand the wait! Please Christmas-in-July, don't be late..."_

As the last chords of the tune ended, Metal sighed again. "Singing a badly mangled edition of the Chipmunk Song... what kind of level have I stooped to?"

Shadow grinned. "A very fun one!" This merely elicited another sigh from his robot friend.

The black hedgehog coughed. "At any rate! We're here to tell the tale of how the Thief almost stole Christmas in July! And how big of a meanie she was!" He pouted, while Metal sighed at his friend's immaturity.

"There, there," the robot reassured him. "It's all right... she's gone now..."

Shadow couldn't help but giggle. "Although... that was a pretty funny story..."

Metal rolled his eyes again. "Here we go..."

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Metal began, _"Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot."_

"Which is why," Shadow added, "when December was over, they were all very sad, despite the fact that all the malls had big after-Christmas sales!"

"..." Metal was quiet.

"Hee," giggled Shadow.

"So," Metal continued, "after hearing about the Whos's plight on July National Television, we decided to head down to Who-ville and brighten up their day..."

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_A few days ago..._

"I dunno... it looks like a normal town to me..." Shadow pointed out.

"_Sigh..."_ All of the Whos in the vicinity sighed in unison.

"... except that all of the residents are abnormally depressed," the black hedgehog finished his sentence.

"Kind of like how you're abnormally insane?" Metal remarked.

"Yeah... hey!"

Metal stroked his chin. "What can we do to make a town known for its Christmas shenanigans cheerful... in July?"

Shadow thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers. "I've got it!"

Metal blinked in shock. "You _what?!"_

"_Christmas in July!"_ Shadow shouted.

His robot friend gaped. "Shadow came up with an idea? A _good_ idea?! In his out-of-character form?!" All of the Whos gaped along with him.

The famous Cindy Lou-Who pondered. "Christmas... in _July?"_

The equally famous Grinch thought. "That's... a wonderful idea!"

Everyone cheered, _"Yay for Shadow!!"_ They picked him up on their shoulders and carried him off, chanting, "Hero! Hero! Hero!..."

Shadow grinned. "I am a hero, aren't I?"

Metal scoffed. "More like anti-hero. You were a villain once, remember?" Everyone gasped in shock.

Shadow was stunned. "Huh? Whuh?! No! It's not true! _Nooo!"_

"... but that Christmas in July... ingenious, Shadow," Metal admitted.

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"And that is how the tradition of Christmas in July got started!" Shadow said happily.

"However," Metal continued, "not everyone liked out plan... and that is where this story starts.

"This _rhyming_ story! Hee hee!"

"... Shadow... how many of our book parodies _didn't_ rhyme?"

"..."

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"_Every Who_

"_Down in Who-Ville_

"_Liked Christmas in July a lot._

"_But the Thief_

"_Who lived in Night Babylon_

"_Did NOT!"_

"_The Thief hated Christmas in July! The whole July season!_

"_Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason._

"_It could be her head wasn't screwed on just right._

"_It could be, perhaps, that her boots were too tight._

"_But I think that the most likely reason of all_

"_May have been that her heart was, ah, too obsessed with jewels to care about much else."_

While Metal narrated, Rouge was standing by the door of Club Rouge. "Feh. Metal, you'll pay for saying that stuff about me!"

Metal shouted back, "Hey! I didn't even make it up! And that part about the boots? Just look at them! I'm surprised you haven't fallen over more than you have! How can you _stand_ shoes that small?!"

"Well..." Rouge responded, "a lady's got to have nice, delicate feet, you know!"

The robot looked away. "Seems to me that you use them more for kicking stuff..."

"Argh!" the bat shouted. "You make me so mad sometimes...!"

"And the part about your heart?" Metal added, "I'm telling you, it's the truth!"

"_Feh!"_ Rouge spat. "I love more things than just jewels!"

"Oh? Like what?"

"Well... er..." Rouge bit her lip in thought.

"Hah!" Metal laughed victoriously.

"Well, FYI..." Rouge started. "Oh..."

"Whatever..." the robot waved it off.

Rouge coughed. "-- echidna --"

Metal, in the middle of speaking to any random passersby of the moment, said, "See? She only loves jewels-- what was that?"

Rouge pretended not to know. "What was what?"

"That!" Metal shouted. "You said something while I was conveniently not paying attention!"

"I didn't say anything!"

"Really? I could've sworn that--"

"Get on with the fic!" Rouge urged Metal.

Metal shrugged. _"Whatever the reason,_

"_Her heart or her shoes,_

"_She stood there on Christmas in July Eve, hating the Whos,_

"_Staring down from her nightclub with a sour, Thief-y frown_

"_At the warm lighted windows below in their town._

"_For she knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath_

"_Was busy now, hanging a poison-ivy wreath."_

Rouge blinked. "'Poison-ivy'...?"

Metal did a double-take at the line. "What the...?"

Just then, Shadow waved to them from where he was sitting, stringing together poison-ivy. "Yeah!" he shouted to Rouge and Metal, giving them a thumbs up. "Where do you expect us to find mistletoe this time of year?"

The Grinch nodded. "Besides. The fur on my hands and his gloves protect us from the itch of the poison-ivy!"

The black and red hedgehog grinned. "Hey, Metal! You ought to help! You don't have any skin to irritate anyway!"

"... I'll pass," the robot scratched his head.

Rouge sighed. "Anyway..."

" '_And they're hanging their stockings!' she snarled with a sneer._

"_Tomorrow is Christmas in July! It's practically here!_

"_Then she growled, with her Thief fingers nervously drumming,_

" '_I MUST find some way to stop Christmas in July from coming!'_

"_For,_

"_Tomorrow, she knew..._

"_All the Who girls and boys_

"_Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!_

"_And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!_

"_That's one thing she hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!"_

Rouge growled. "Wouldn't you, if you had as sensitive hearing as mine? And it's not even Christmas for real! It's just some fake July holiday that faker hedgehog dreamed up!"

Shadow was stunned. "You called me faker."

"Yeah... so?" the bat shrugged.

"_Everyone calls me faker nowadays!"_ the black hedgehog ranted. _"What is it, mainstream or something?!"_

"Hm... you might be right," Rouge agreed. "I'd better quit." She grinned. "Don't want to lose my individuality, now do I?"

Shadow sniffled. "Hating my Christmas in July is pretty individual."

Rouge thought, then smiled. "Hmmm..."

"Ohh..."

Metal continued. _"Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast._

"_And they'd feast! And they'd feast!_

"_And they'd FEAST!_

_FEAST!_

_FEAST!_

_FEAST!_

"_They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast_

"_Which was something the Thief couldn't stand in the least!"_

Rouge glanced around. "... what? Think about it! How's a girl going to keep her womanly figure if she stuffs herself during the holidays?! And _how_ would she stay thin if she stuffs herself during the _fake_ holidays, too?!"

Shadow gasped. "Hey! Christmas in July detests being called 'fake'! Just like me! It is as if we were brothers!!"

Metal groaned. "You gotta be kidding me..."

Rouge rolled her eyes. "Ugh."

"_And THEN_

"_They'd do something_

"_She liked least of all!_

"_Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small_

"_Would stand close together, with Christmas in July bells ringing_

"_They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!_

"_They'd sing! And they'd sing!_

"_AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!_

"_And the more the Thief thought of this Who-Christmas-in-July-Sing,_

"_The more the Thief thought, 'I must stop this whole thing!_

" '_Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now'"—_

"_Hold it."_

"Huh?" Metal looked up at Rouge.

The white bat walked over to Metal... dangerously! She whipped out a flashlight and held it under her face to enhance the 'dangerous' mood. "Now... did you just say that I've put up with this singing and whatnot for fifty-three years?"

"Ah... I... ah... eheh?" Metal laughed nervously.

All of a sudden, Metal received a stinging slap across his face. _**"I am not an old lady!!"**_ bellowed Rouge. "The only person I can think of who's even been _around_ for fifty-three years and still looks youthful would be _**Shadow!!**_ And do I look like Shadow?!"

"N... no..." stammered Metal.

"What?" Shadow asked, completely oblivious to all going on around him.

Rouge smiled... dangerously! "Good." But the scary face reappeared. "Now, I suggest you change that before... **things happen."** The bat walked back to her place.

Metal was freaked out of his wits. "Ah... ah... ehehe... ohhh, wow." Suddenly, he was looking at Rouge in a whole new light... "Ehehe... hehehehe... _hehehe..."_ _'She's so evil, I can't help but like her...'_ he thought.

Rouge glared at the robot. "I don't like the way you're looking at me, bud."

"R... right... right..." Metal stammered. "Er...

"'_Why, the thought of putting up with it now!_

"_I MUST stop this Christmas in July from coming!_

"_... but HOW?"_

Rouge grinned. "Much better." She winked.

Metal's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Ahh..." Rouge merely giggled, not helping the situation. Struggling to keep his nerve, Metal continued...

"_T-then she got an idea!_

"_An awful idea!_

"_THE THIEF_

"_GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!"_

Rouge smiled evilly as Metal looked up again. The poor robot subsequently blushed, overheated, and melted.

Shadow looked up from his poison-ivy. "There! Done! ... what happened to Metal?"

Rouge blinked. "I'm not sure."

The black hedgehog paused, then smiled. "I suppose I shall have to narra-rate!" He grabbed the book from Metal's liquified hands.

" '_I know just what to do!' The Thief laughed in her throat_

"_And she made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat_

"_And she chuckled, and clucked, 'What a great Thief-y trick!_

" '_With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!'"_

"Of course... excluding the fact that I'm a girl," Rouge pointed out, examining the costume.

Shadow thought. "Um... maybe you're Mrs. Claus?"

Unfortunately, this idea only earned another slap. _"I said I'm not old!!" _Rouge ranted.

"Um... his youngest descendant?"

"Hm..." The bat grinned. "You're not so bad after all, Shadow," she said with a wink.

"...?" Shadow was unaffected.

"... I don't get it," Rouge said, shocked and baffled. "Winking usually makes guys submit to my every whim!"

Matter-of-factly, Shadow explained in a long-winded sentence that sounded odd coming from his out-of-character mouth. "I, Shadow, the Ultimate Life Form, am immune to any feminine tricks that the opposite gender may try on me in order to influence my way of thinking and therefore cloud my mind to what my true purpose on Earth may be. Except for... ah..." The hedgehog's eyes started to water uncontrollably. _"MARIAAA!!_

"... Shadow? You feeling all right?" Rouge asked, seeing his rather gloomy expression.

"... _I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus! Underneath the mistletoe last niiight!"_ Shadow rather randomly shouted. He paused, thinking about it, then began wailing again.

"... oh... kay..." Rouge mumbled, scratching her head in confusion.

Shadow sighed, then perked up again. _"'All I need is a reindeer...'_

"_The Thief looked around._

"_But, since reindeer are scarce in July, there were none to be found._

"_Did that stop the old Thief—"_

Rouge glared evilly. "Grrr..."

Shadow's eyes widened in fright. _"Did that stop the YOUNG Thief...?_

"_No! The Thief simply said,_

" '_If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!'_

"_So she called her rival Knux. Then she took some red thread_

"_And she tied a big horn on the top of his head."_

Rouge pulled out her cellphone and dialed a number...

Somewhere far away, on Angel Island, Knuckles picked up his telephone.

"Go away, Sonic!"

Rouge sweatdropped. "This is Rouge."

"Oh. Hi Rouge." Knuckles paused. Then he shouted, "Rouge?!"

Rouge grinned... which was pointless, because Knuckles couldn't see it anyway. "Hey, big guy... would you like to help a little girl like me with some harmless, Christmas in July fun?"

Knuckles thought. "Does this involve poison-ivy?"

Rouge sweatdropped again. "No."

"Wait... no... not poison-ivy... umm... some other kind of holiday plant..."

"... in the first place, poison-ivy's not a holiday plant. In the second... do you mean mistletoe?"

"YES! That's it!" Knuckles shouted. "That's the one! Mistletoe!"

"No... why?"

Flatly, Knuckles answered, "Bad mistletoe experience."

"Huh?"

"You don't want to know..." Knuckles muttered. "Christmas party. Bad mistletoe experience."

"Ah." Rouge sweatdropped. "Who was it?"

"What?" Knuckles asked, as if he was confused.

"You know... mistletoe?" Rouge urged him on. "Who was it?"

"... what are you talking about?" Knuckles scratched his head.

"You know..." Rouge said, before she sighed. "You don't know."

"... I ate the berries."

"_What?!"_ Rouge shrieked. "Those are poisonous!"

Knuckles rolled his eyes at the memory. "They rushed me to the hospital... and induced vomiting—"

"_**Unnecessary detail. I didn't need to know that."**_

The echidna giggled. "Heh heh heh."

Recovering, Rouge sighed. "Anyway... would you come on over?" She winked, then realized that Knuckles wouldn't have been able to see it, anyway.

"... you winked, huh."

Rouge's eyes widened. "How'd you know that?"

"... I'll be over..." Knuckles mumbled.

Just then, someone knocked at the door. "Hang on a minute, someone's at the door," Rouge said into the telephone before walking to the door and opening it. "Hello?" she said, right before seeing... Knuckles.

Knuckles smiled. "Fast, huh?"

"... anyway..." Rouge plopped a big, fake-looking reindeer horn on his head and tied it down. "There! That should do it."

"... well, nice to see you, too," Knuckles said flatly. Rouge grinned. "Hey, what's that?" the echidna asked, walking over to Rouge's dresser. He sweatdropped as he glimpsed a photograph. "Is that a picture of me--?"

Immediately, a white glove snatched it away. Innocently, Rouge said, "Picture? What picture? I don't see any picture."

"...?"

"There was no picture. Your mind made it up."

"Oh... okay." Knuckles walked away.

Rouge giggled. "How gullible can someone be? Oh well." She walked off after Knuckles, tossing the photo of him over her shoulder.

Meanwhile...

Shadow was busily poking Metal in the forehead, who had resumed his normal, un-melted shape. "Metal? Meeetaaal...? You awake? Huh?" He turned to see Rouge and Knuckles waiting. "Oh, whoops... um..." He picked up the book.

"_THEN_

"_She loaded some bags_

"_And some old empty sacks_

"_On a ramshackle sleigh_

"_And she hitched up old Knux._

"_Then the Thief said, 'Giddap!'_

"_And the sleigh started down_

"_Toward the homes where the Whos_

"_Lay a-snooze in their town."_

"Where'd you get all those empty bags?" Knuckles asked as he flew, the sleigh gliding behind him.

While applying makeup for whatever reason, Rouge answered, "What part of world-renowned jewel thief do you not understand?"

Knuckles sighed. "Whatever... and why am I pulling the sleigh?!"

"You expect someone like me to do physical labor while there's someone like you to do it for me?"

"Yeah, but... never mind."

"_All their windows were dark. Humidity filled the July air._

"_All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care_

"_When she came to the first little house on the square_

" '_This is stop number one,' the... uh... YOUNG Rouge Claus hissed_

"_And she climbed to the roof, empty bags in her fist."_

Rouge smiled. "Good job, young Shadow. You're learning well." She hopped up to the roof with the empty bags.

Knuckles whispered to Shadow, "What's she talking about...?"

The hedgehog grinned. "She doesn't like it when people call her 'old.'"

"... ah. I see..."

"_Then she slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch._

"_But if Santa could do it, then so could the... uh..."_

"Problem," Shadow announced.

Rouge was halfway down the chimney. "You're telling me! See why I told you overstuffing yourself at holiday time is not a good idea?!"

"Yeah, but, this rhyme here... it's not going to work," Shadow pointed out. "They have 'pinch' rhymed with 'Grinch,' and you're obviously not the Grinch!"

Knuckles took the book. "Let me see that... hm..." He thought. "Okay, how's this?"

"_Then she slid down the chimney. She was not very fat._

"_For if Santa could do it, then so could this bat."_

The bat clapped. "Rhymes... _and_ is flattering. You should write poetry, Knuckles!"

Knuckles put a hand behind his head self-consciously. "Hehe... yeah, well, what else do you think I've been doing for the past sixteen years of guarding the Master Emerald?"

"... Knuckles, since you're here, who's guarding the Master Emerald?" Shadow asked.

"... ARGH!!" Knuckles shouted. Then he calmed down. "I dunno, probably Tikal and Chaos."

"Well... back to the story!" Shadow chirped.

"_Then she slid down the chimney. She was not very fat._

"_For if Santa could do it, then so could the bat._

"_She got stuck only once, for a moment or two._

"_Then she stuck her head out of the fireplace flue_

"_Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row_

" '_These stockings,' she grinned, 'are the first things to go!'_

"_Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,_

"_Around the whole room, and she took every present!_

"_Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!_

"_Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!_

"_And she stuffed them in bags. Then the Thief, very nimbly_

"_Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!"_

"... now, I don't think "chimbley" is a real word... no," Shadow pondered.

Rouge glanced at the presents she stole. "Pop guns? That's a bit dangerous for these kids!" she scoffed. "See? I have a good reason to stop this 'Christmas in July' nonsense!"

Shadow blinked. "Roller skates?" He sweatdropped. "How do you mortals tolerate having such second rate items for your gliding feet motions?!"

"'Mortals'?" Knuckles repeated.

"AUGH! That's right! I'm a mortal!" Rouge wailed, then grabbed Shadow's shoulders. "Teach me the ways of immortalities! Then I'll be young and beautiful forever!!" Shadow's eyes widened, and Knuckles stared at the hedgehog angrily.

"We're... ah... getting off track," Shadow said. Rouge ignored him, and grabbed his E-Kara microphone from earlier. "Oh dear..." Shadow muttered.

"_All I want for Christmas in July is eternal youth! Eternal youth! Eternal youth! Gee, if only I could have eternal youth! Then I could be beautiful forever!"_ Rouge sang.

"Oh, I know this one!" Knuckles shouted. "'All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth'!"

Shadow laughed. _"Then she slunk to the icebox. She took the Whos' feast._

"_She took the Who-pudding! She took the roast beast!_

"_She cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash,_

"_Why, that Thief even took their last can of Who-hash!_

"_Then she stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee._

" '_And NOW!' grinned the Thief, 'I will stuff up the tree!'"_

After getting rid of the food items, Rouge sighed in happiness and dusted her hands off. "There! Now people in Who-ville won't be the ones complaining that they ate too much over the holidays!"

"... that's mean," Knuckles said.

"Who asked you?!" Rouge retorted before picking up the tree. "... hey, this thing's artificial!!"

"Well, where are you going to find people selling Christmas trees in July?!" Shadow asked.

"... I really dislike you."

Shadow smiled nonetheless. _"And the Thief grabbed the tree, and she started to shove_

"_When she heard a small sound like the coo of a dove._

"_She turned around fast, and she saw a small Who!_

"_Little Amy-Lou Who, who was not more than two._

"_The Thief had been caught by this tiny Who daughter_

"_Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water._

"_She stared at the Thief and said, "Mrs. Clause, why,_

"_Why are you taking our Christmas in July tree? WHY?"_

Wh-wh-what?! AMY?!" Rouge yelled.

Just then, Sonic rather randomly popped into the scene. "You know, I'd normally be the one saying that."

Shadow picked up a note from the author. "'Amy's two-year-old cameo appearance is an apology to our favorite pink mallet-wielding hedgie due to the fact that the author forgot about her in the last parody.'" The black hedgehog sweatdropped.

Amy-Lou Who repeated quietly, "Mrs. Clause?"

"_I'm not Mrs. Clause!!"_ Rouge screamed... but then Amy put on the puppy dog eyes! "... but I can't stay mad at a face like that." The bat smiled.

Knuckles thought, _'I should try that...'_

Shadow continued, _"But, you know, that old... YOUNG! __**Young**__ Thief was so smart and so slick_

"_She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!_

" '_Why, my sweet little tot,' the fake Claus descendant lied,_

" '_There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side._

" '_So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear._

" '_I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here.'"_

"... are you sure?" Amy-Lou Who asked.

"Ah... sure of what?"

"That you're a dee-scendant of Santa?" Amy-Lou Who asked.

Rouge laughed. "Sure I am! I got the coat and hat, right?"

Amy-Lou Who crossed her arms. "Hm... I guess so..."

"_And her fib fooled the child. Then she patted Amy's head_

"_And she got Amy a drink and she sent her to bed._

"_And when Amy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,_

"_ROUGE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!"_

Knuckles added, "Author's Note! Some names had to be put in to make the 'she's and 'her's less confusing. End of Author's Note!"

Shadow sighed as he turned to Rouge. "I can't believe you did that. Lied to a little kid like that..."

"Aw, it was just one tiny little fib..." Rouge stuck her bottom lip out childishly, then winked at Shadow.

Shadow sighed, unaffected. "I _told_ you already, feminine charm does not work on the Ultimate Life Form!"

Rouge sweatdropped. "Okay... I've got Who-pudding."

Shadow instantly started drooling. "MINE!!" he shrieked as he tackled the pudding...? Rouge rolled her eyes.

With his mouth full, Shadow continued. _"Then the last thing she took_

"_Was the log for their fire!" Not that they'd need one in July..._

"_Then she went up the chimney, herself, the ol—__**YOUNG**__ liar._

"_On their walls she left nothing but hooks and some wire._

"_And the one speck of food_

"_That she left in the house_

"_Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse."_

"... that's sad, Rouge," Shadow said, shaking his head sadly.

"What?!" Rouge shouted. "They'll get it back when their Christmas in July is over."

Shadow looked up hopefully. "Really?"

Rouge waved it off. "Of course!"

Shadow sighed. "It's just... you lied to that girl, how do I know you're not lying to me?!"

The bat rolled her eyes. "Have I ever lied to you before?"

"Yes. You tricked me and Eggman into thinking you were on our side. But you were really just there to spy on ME."

Rouge fell over. "So what?! I was on a government mission! What else was I supposed to say! Besides, I didn't outright _LIE..._"

Shadow put on a sad face. "That was mean. You hurt me feelings."

Rouge sighed. "Aww, Shadow..." She gave him a big hug, while Knuckles meanwhile glared daggers at Shadow...

"I'm happy again!" Shadow smiled. "I shall continue on!" he shouted, striking a heroic pose.

"_Then_

"_She did the same thing_

"_To the other Whos' houses_

"_Leaving crumbs_

"_Much too small_

"_For the other Whos' mouses!"_

"... okay, I'm sure that's not a word," Knuckles said.

"It's 'mice'," Rouge pointed out. "But 'mice' doesn't rhyme with 'houses'."

Shadow mused. "Satoshi's Pikachu is a mouse..."

"What?" Rouge and Knuckles asked, confused. "Who's Satoshi?"

"Satoshi... Ash... the author's muse... we've got our own fic..." Shadow sweatdropped. "Never mind. Continuing..."

"_It was quarter past dawn..._

"_All the Whos, still a-bed_

"_All the Whos, still a-snooze_

"_When she packed up her sled,_

"_Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!_

"_The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!"_

Shadow's eyes widened. "Trappings?!" Rouge sighed.

"_Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,_

"_She rode with her load to the tiptop to dump it!_

" '_Pooh-pooh to the Whos!' she was thief-ish-ly humming._

" '_They're finding out now that no Christmas in July is coming!_

" '_They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!_

" '_Their mouths will hang open, but not for very long_

" '_Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all sing their song!'"_

Shadow blinked. _"... what?!"_

Knuckles sweatdropped. "Rouge... you're supposed to think that the Whos will start crying."

Rouge threw her arms up in the air. "Ugh! I'm not stupid, you guys. And, I have seen this on TV, you know."

"Then what was the point of all this?!" Knuckles shouted, pointing to the horn tied to his head.

The bat shrugged, "Reader entertainment?"

" '_That's a noise,' grinned the Thief,_

" '_That I simply MUST hear!'_

"_So she paused. And the Thief put a hand to her ear._

"_And she did hear a sound rising over the snow._

"_It started in low. Then it started to grow..."_

"Why is there snow?" Knuckles asked. "It's July!"

"We're on a mountain! Duh!" Rouge pointed out.

Shadow yelled, _"I'm on top of the wooorld!!"_ before falling over. Knuckles and Rouge stared blankly.

Finally, Rouge sighed happily. "The sound of little children singing, their courage standing up against the seemingly dark and dreary day..."

"_But the sound wasn't happy!_

"_Why, this sound sounded sad!_

"_It couldn't be so!_

"_But the Whos sure weren't glad!_

"... what...?!" Rouge exclaimed in disbelief, staring down the mountain.

"_She stared down at Who-ville!_

"_The Thief popped her eyes!_

"_Then she shook!_

"_What she saw was a shocking surprise!_

"No way...!"

"_Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,_

"_Was crying! For there was no Christmas in July at all!_

"_She HAD stopped Christmas in July from coming!_

"_It DIDN'T COME!_

"_Somehow or other, the singers were mum!_

"_And the Thief, with her Thief-feet ice-cold in the snow,_

"_Stood puzzling and puzzling: 'How could it be so?'_

" '_It didn't come without ribbons! It didn't come without tags!_

" '_It didn't come without packages, boxes, or bags!'_

"_And she puzzled three hours, till her puzzler was sore._

"_Then the Thief thought of something she hadn't before!_

" '_Maybe Whos,' she thought, 'are a little bit dumb._

" '_Maybe Whos... perhaps... have the brain of a plum!"_

"I detest that statement," said a random plum before walking away.

"... I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that," Knuckles said.

"_And what happened then...?_

"_Well... in Who-ville they say_

"_That the Thief's fury_

"_Grew tenscore that day!_

"_And the moment her anger was boiling with might_

"_She whizzed with her load through the bright morning light_

"_And she brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!_

"_And she..._

"_... SHE HERSELF...!_

"_The Thief chucked the roast beast!"_

.

.

.

Shadow closed the book. "Right at the head of the Who Mayor!"

Rouge was screaming at random Whos. _"Why don't you see?! Just because I stole all of your stuff doesn't mean that you can't hold this stupid fake holiday!"_

Slowly, Metal sat up after having regained consciousness. "Oh man... what's going on? Oh, no, the fanfic!" he shouted.

Shadow grinned. "Do not worry, big brother! For I have completed the fanfic without your help!"

"Oh." Metal then started freaking out. "What?!"

Shadow kept grinning. "I was a good narra-rator!"

"... right," Metal said blandly. "So... since the fic's over..." He walked over to the still-ranting Rouge.

... she was _almost_ done ranting. "So you _will_ hold this stupid Christmas in July party, and you _will_ do it without your material possessions!!"

Knuckles watched the Whos interestedly. "What I don't understand is why they didn't just start singing again like in the real version."

Tails walked up to Knuckles. "Well, it's probably because of the season. Since Who-ville is such a Christmas orientated town, in any month other than December the entire town is thrown into a deep depression. When their Christmas in July seemed ruined, they didn't have the Christmas spirit to bounce back from it."

"Ah."

"SO!! You got it?!" Rouge finished. The now freaked-out Whos nodded, frightened out of their wits. "Great!" Rouge cheered, suddenly happy again. "Then let's have a party!!" The Whos all cast off their gloomy expressions and cheered.

"_Yay!"_

Rouge walked over to Knuckles. "Well, I think that went well."

"Heh. Yeah." Knuckles shrugged, then looked up. "Hey... look above us."

Rouge looked up, then sweatdropped to see a bough of... poison-ivy. "Oh... How... nice."

Shadow grinned. _"Thank you!"_

"So... uh... just to let you know... I do know what it means when people stand under mistletoe," Knuckles admitted, his face turning red.

"Really?" Rouge raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, so... seeing as how the summer version of mistletoe seems to be poison-ivy... um..." Knuckles scratched the ground with his foot.

"... yeah..."

"... um..."

Meanwhile, Metal looked up to see Knuckles and Rouge standing under the poison-ivy. _"What?!"_

Shadow looked up, looked at Metal, then at Rouge and Knuckles, and back to Metal. "Shadow senses a very odd pairing in this fic that no one has ever thought likely," he said, switching to his third-person narrator-mode. He sweatdropped. "Or possible," he finished.

Metal was glaring daggers at Knuckles. The echidna turned, then sweatdropped to see Metal staring at him. "Er... I think Metal's jealous."

Rouge looked around. "Hm... two out of three guys." She grinned. "I've got it good!"

Shadow sweatdropped. "I don't get it." Metal continued glaring.

"Um... so," Knuckles mumbled. "We're standing under the, uh, poison-ivy..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh who cares!" Rouge shrieked. She quickly leaned forward and smooched Knuckles on the cheek.

"!!"

"_**NOOO!!"**_ screamed Metal.

Shadow glanced around. "... hey, look, pudding!"he cheered.

Rouge smiled.

"Ah... ah... ah... ohhh, wow..." Knuckles stammered before he melted into a puddle.

Rouge thought for a moment, then pulled Metal under the poison-ivy and smooched him on the cheek too. "There you go. You seem like a nice guy."

"Ah... ah... ah... ohhh, wow..." Metal said, smiling deliriously, before he also melted.

Rouge grinned and did a V sign to the readers. "Two out of two guys agree! I have the most feminine charm of all the Sonic girls!"

"Which I am immune to!" Shadow chirped.

Rouge grabbed Shadow and smooched him, too. "There you go. As a friend."

Shadow smiled. "I'm so happy!"

Rouge sighed. "Yeah, well, we've been through way too much together for me to ignore you like a pile of laundry. Friends?"

Shadow gave her a thumbs-up. "Friends to the end!" He paused for a moment. "Actually, that's me and Metal, too, though..."

Rouge shrugged. "Well... we've been through a lot together that Metal doesn't know about... you know, the ARK incident, the whole Team Dark stuff... yeah."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... so, does seeing "Around the World in 80 Days" sound good?" Shadow suggested.

"I'm in."

Shadow and Rouge walked off, leaving Knuckles and Metal, no longer melted, behind in Who-ville.

"... do you have the feeling..." Knuckles began.

"... that you've just been..." Metal continued.

"... dumped...?"

Knuckles jumped up. "You can't be dumped! You were never her boyfriend!"

"Yeah, well, were you?!" retorted Metal.

Knuckles sweatdropped. "Well... sort of!"

"Hah! Got proof?!" Metal yelled.

"Wait a minute!" Knuckles said. "What are we doing, arguing with each other while we both know who we should be aiming this aggression towards?!" Both of them looked at each other and nodded slowly before running after Rouge and Shadow.

"_**Shaaadooow!!"**_

.

.

.

The End!


End file.
